


Lacrimosa

by Ayamuri



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Explicit Language, M/M, Minor Violence, Sibling Incest, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 02:35:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3793477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayamuri/pseuds/Ayamuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the events at Platinum Jail, it is Sei who returns home with Aoba. However, being raised as a lab rat has left Sei confused in certain matters concerning human connections. Aoba wants to teach him…and Sei is willing to learn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I wasn't a stranger to receiving unusual calls while at the shop, especially before I found out about my ability to persuade others with my voice. Even with that being the case, I will never forget the day I received the cryptic call from the hospital.

"Hello, I'm calling from Midorijima General Hospital regarding your brother."

The hands I had poised over the computer keyboard froze and unconsciously I stopped breathing.

"He was recently transferred here from a previous hospital overseas. His condition is severe but stable and he's barely woken in the three days he's been here. However, he is able to have visitors and I'm sure he'd be happy to see his brother again."

 _I don't have a brother, he died_ , I wanted to tell the person. I had used Scrap on him to grant his final wish for death, for freedom from the nightmare life he'd been forced into. Whoever was calling had a very sick sense of humor.

I exhaled a shaky breath but otherwise remained silent. Perhaps something about my quietness gave away my distress as the other person then asked:

"I _am_ speaking with Seragaki Aoba, correct?"

"…Yes?" I answered, not masking my suspicions.

"Ah, good! The visiting hours are from 8 AM to 7 PM each day. Please come at your earliest convenience. Well then, please take care." The call ended but I took my time hanging up the phone.

Over the next few days, I warred with indecision over actually going to the hospital. Sei was dead. I knew that as I was the one who—

_Killed him._

—Released him. I watched my brother die right in front of my eyes. Someone had to be pulling a joke. Or it was another trap. So few people even knew I had a brother. What if that call had come from someone working for Toue? Toue himself had only disappeared after the events at Oval Tower. However, with international police forces searching for him, he'd be extremely brazen to try to pull another stunt like with Platinum Jail. It's also possible that Sei simply gave the hospital my name.

In the end, curiosity won out. If it really was Sei, then he needed my help. Even if it was a trap, I couldn't let that fear keep me from checking to see if my brother really was there.

At the reception desk for the hospital, I gave the name Sei Seragaki, half expecting the search to turn up with no results. Instead, I was informed that a patient by that name was available and was on the fourth floor. The elevator ride up was all too short and before long, I found myself standing in front of the room number I'd been given.

I gave one deep breath to calm my nerves and slid open the door.

There were actually two people in the room. One was a nurse, who was checking a clipboard at the foot of the bed. The second person had been positioned in a reclining posture on the bed but was masked by crisscrossing bandages across their face and body. The nurse looked up and smiled and the person on the bed looked to me curiously.

Still tense and ready for any attack that might've been in store, I told the nurse, "I'm Aoba Seragaki. I'm here to visit my…brother."

She completely missed my hesitancy and immediately gasped in surprise. "What great timing! His bandages come off today. Sei-chan, isn't that wonderful? Your brother is here to visit you and you'll be able to see each other properly!"

The other person stared back at me but otherwise showed no other reaction. Unsure what to do with myself, I sat in a chair beside the bed, waiting for the nurse as she began to remove the bandages. My fists were clenched so tight, they had begun to lose all feeling but I was too anxious to stretch them.

Near the final moments before the full unveiling, I closed my eyes. I wasn't running away from the situation but needed to gather myself to prepare for what I was going to see. Like before, the what if's almost consumed my thoughts with all the possibilities until I heard the nurse call out "All done!" which brought me back to the present.

I slowly opened my eyes.

The person blinked back before a small, hesitant smile creased their face.

Yeah, that was him. I had only seen him a small number of times but I couldn't mistake that gentle expression, the paleness and frailty. Even now, he looked as though the slightest wind would break him.

"…Sei."

I barely noticed when the nurse bowed goodbye to us and excused herself. Even though we were now alone, I was at a loss of words to say. Instead, Sei took the initiative.

"Hello, Aoba. Never did I think we would meet again," he said, still giving his small smile. Sei's smile reached to his eyes, giving them a certain vibrancy that eased the tension out of me.

Idly, I was reminded that Sei was able to control people with those eyes but as siblings, I would know instantly if he were using it on me. Besides, while I didn't really know him well, I felt that Sei probably never wanted to use his power in the first place, kind of like me. I hadn't used Scrap ever since the Platinum Jail events.

I reached out a hand and placed it gently on his but instead, he turned it over and gripped my fingers in a tight grasp. Feeling a little more encouraged, I asked, "How'd you get here? Have you been in the hospital the whole time?"

"No," he said slowly, his eyes going slightly vacant as he thought about it. "Shortly after the tower's collapse, I was semi-conscious and aware of things around me. Someone found my body." He stopped and looked down at our clasped hands, rubbing his thumb over mine. "I can't say for certain, but…I think it might've been Virus and Trip."

Immediately I jerked away, feeling slightly bad about it as Sei's eyes stared at me with concern. Of all the people that could've found him…why them? After confessing that they were the real leaders behind Morphine, they'd also confessed to playing a part in taking care of Sei. It wasn't out of any obligation to Toue but simply because they found him (and I) interesting.

Sei saw my face and must've understood what I was feeling. He didn't try to take my hand again but instead, folded his together in his lap. "Admittedly, those two have always made me a little uneasy," he said, the closest admission he'd ever given to saying he might not have liked someone. "But I should be thankful that they did help to take care of me. They always seemed to know when I'd reached my limit for the day with the experiments and sometimes they'd keep me company by talking to me about what they'd been doing."

A rude snort tore itself from my throat. "So that means I should fall on my knees and thank them as your savior?" I snapped. Sei amazingly didn't flinch and continued to stare. "They're con-artists. I wouldn't be surprised if there was an ulterior motive as to why they brought you here and why they informed me you were still alive."

"Maybe," Sei conceded, nodding slowly. "But…even if we don't know why, they still did it. For that…we must be thankful."

I clicked my teeth and looked away for a moment. A thank you to Virus and Trip? My stomach soured just at the thought of it. At one point, I had naively thought of them as my friends. Friends with the yakuza. I honestly had thought for the most part that they weren't that bad. But…Koujaku would always laugh at me and say "That's an oxymoron; there's no such thing as good yakuza." I guess I have no one but myself to blame for allowing them so close.

And even if they had more personal reasons for saving Sei, he was here and in relatively good condition. They had mentioned to me that they found our powers interesting; they could've secreted Sei away with them, probably never to be seen again.

Yet they hadn't.

The emotions conflicted inside me but in the end, there was no other way to look at it. I was indebted to them. Talk about a bitter pill to swallow.

Sei had been watching me the entire time and must've known when I had reached my conclusion as he smiled softly again. "What's most important is the present. Aoba, I never thought that we'd see each other again. After I had asked that you use your power on me, I thought that was our final moment together. Your Scrap…failed. And yet, I couldn't be happier."

Oh, right. As sick as this may sound, the back of my mind did wonder why Sei was still alive. I'd spent months being tormented over my actions, justifying it by saying that it was what Sei had wanted but always wondering if there could've been another way. I suppose that small indecision came through when I used Scrap and I didn't do it properly.

Previously, a failed Scrap attempt resulted in breaking someone's mind. Perhaps Sei survived because his ability countered mine? His ability to separate his conscious into separate beings. Then was I speaking to all of Sei now or just a fraction or—

Out of my bag, Ren freed his head and interrupted me. "Aoba."

I smiled ruefully and scratched his head. I figured I already knew what he was going to say. Something about if the average human male mind was at one-hundred, my mind in comparison…yada yada. I'd heard it before. I took a deep breath and let the issue go. Who cared why the Scrap failed? It did and Sei was here. He was right; I needed to appreciate the present.

Speaking of which, Sei almost childishly held out his arms suddenly and at first, I thought he wanted a hug. Maybe he did, but he wasn't looking at me but instead at Ren. Usually Ren hated it when other people cuddled him (probably because most people, like Clear, cuddled him too hard or would fluff his fur ridiculously), but this time, he willingly climbed out and onto the bed, nestling in Sei's lap.

We spent the rest of the afternoon and into the evening talking, primarily me doing the talking and explaining all the new things that Sei would finally have a chance to experience. At one point, I called Granny to tell her about Sei. She had sighed sadly when I had first told her months ago about Sei's passing. Now, I was shocked to hear her stifle a cry. As if we had all been waiting on it, a tear fell from Sei's eye and unable to hold back, I cried too.

Yes, it was kinda embarrassing. Before leaving, I did hug him and informed him that Granny and I would work to get the house ready for his homecoming. I offered to leave Ren for him for company but he insisted I take him with me as he was my Allmate. Maybe we could go shopping and get one for Sei…

Stepping outside into the cool night air, I felt as though I might've been seeing Midorijima for the first time, looking at it from the way that my brother would see it. There were still a lot of unknowns in the future but I resolved myself that we'd get through it together.


	2. Chapter 2

Sei was permitted to leave the hospital a month later but was still pretty weak. Even with daily physical therapy, he couldn't stand longer than thirty minutes and could walk for maybe only half that time. I had considered on how I would get him home and thought that we could just walk very slowly to my—our—house but decided against it. Sei's heart was getting better but it was best he didn't over exert himself in any way.

Perhaps he was worried about the same thing as he seemed quite relieved when I presented him a tram ticket instead. What usually took me fifteen minutes to walk took us an hour with so many frequent stops but that was fine. I let Sei have the window seat so that he could see the town as we passed by and at first, he seemed really excited.

He didn't say much but was practically glued to the window, eyes wide like a kid in a candy shop. Eventually, he settled back and I watched as his blinking grew slower and slower. It wasn't long before Sei dozed off, leaning in my direction. I sighed and grabbed his head, putting it on my shoulder to prevent him from getting a crick in his neck.

Once we reached the house, I helped carry the single duffle bag of clothes that Sei brought with him. Looked like Virus and Trip were even nice enough to have bought him new clothes. I gritted my teeth but had said nothing when I had noticed it back at the hospital. Inside the door, the smell of food hit my nose and I inhaled heavily. Something smelled especially delicious today.

Sei sniffed the air curiously and blinked with a puzzled expression. "What is that?"

I grinned as I led him further inside and down the hall. "Granny's amazing culinary skills," I told him, not quite deciphering what it was she was cooking by smell alone. "You'll be hard-pressed to find better cooking."

Right before I reached the kitchen, the door slid open and there Granny stood, wiping her hands off on an apron. "You can stop that now, Aoba," she said with a wry smile. "You flatter me too much." She turned to Sei and her eyes softened. "Welcome home, Sei. When you've put your things away, come down to the kitchen. Dinner's almost ready."

I was pretty hungry and hurried to do as she said. Without thinking, I immediately started taking the stairs two at a time, all to jerk to a halt. How cruel of me to show off how healthy I was when Sei was still struggling. He didn't seem to mind but I still went back down and looped his arm over my shoulder and slowly guided him to the top. We have a bedroom on the first floor but it's Granny's. She offered to move to the spare one upstairs and I was almost tempted to let her but in the end, we decided against it. It would've been quite the feat to switch all the furniture out and besides, climbing stairs is one of Sei's physical therapy exercises.

We got to the top with Sei only slightly out of breath and I showed him the room across the hall from mine. It was almost similar to mine with a simple bed against the wall and a small dresser. I had also given him the TV from my room since I wasn't home much these days to use it. To also make it less stark, I'd put a stack of retro CD's on the small table in the center of the room so that he could choose what he liked. The only music he'd probably ever heard was the horrible dye music that Toue had created.

The room wasn't nearly as big as the one that I'd seen back in Platinum Jail and I'd opted out of filling it with toys as I wasn't sure if those were Sei's preference or what someone else thought was his preference. Besides, I'd used most of my money saved up to get a special gift for him. It was sitting on the bed but instead of picking it up, he immediately went to the glass sliding door on the wall and opened it.

A fresh breeze blew in and I could see Sei inhaling the air. The view from this room looked down onto the street unlike how mine only showed the alleyway between the houses. I had picked it for just that reason, not wanting to be seen each time I stepped out but I figured Sei would appreciate the sounds of society since he'd rarely been outside the research lab.

" _Amazing_ ," he breathed, watching as the lights of the city glowed and the sun set behind the buildings. With the bright lights of Platinum Jail gone, it was now feasible to also see the stars again, although only dimly. He leaned himself against the balcony railing, smiling. I didn't have the heart to pull him away just yet so instead, I picked up the small present on the bed and brought it to him.

"I never properly said it before, but…" I held out the small box in both hands to him. "I'm really happy to have you back, Sei. Welcome home."

"Aoba…thank you," he said and took the palm-sized box and pulled the ribbon. Taking off the top, he carefully removed the contents and held it up in the fading light.

"I don't know if you already have a Coil, so I figured you might need one," I hurriedly said, not sure if he'd like it. I'd thought hard about what kind to get him and finally settled for a sleek, black Coil that doubled as a modest bracelet. I'd gotten the idea from Noiz.

For a while, Sei didn't move but when he did finally look up at me, his eyes had gone soft. "My first present from my brother. I'll make sure to always cherish it. Thank you very much, Aoba," He bowed low to me, making me blush.

"You don't have to do that, you know…we _are_ brothers. You already call me by just my name, there's no need to be so formal." I wanted Sei to be perfectly at ease with me and while here. He didn't have to put on airs or go out of his way to impress anyone.

He seemed a little embarrassed as well and to hide it, he quickly put on the Coil, again turning it this way and that to look at how the shiny black paneling glimmered.

I informed him, "I've already programmed it for you and added my number, Granny's number, and Koujaku's number." Koujaku had come by to meet him in the hospital and as my childhood best friend, I trusted him with anything that came to Sei. "I also added Noiz's number there, just in case." Noiz was currently in Germany but I had come back for a little bit after initially visiting there with him. He would've followed but he had work to do but I'd informed him of Sei. He referred to him as his brother-in-law.

Geez, you'd think we were married…

I blushed again and hurried inside, calling Sei with me so we could go down to dinner.

~.~.~

The food was amazing. We had Granny's sweet and spicy curry with homemade doughnuts for dessert. I thought the spice might've been a bit much for Sei but if so, he never complained and even asked for a small second helping. We were now back in his room, folding his clothes and putting them away.

I realized a lot of his stuff was from designer labels. Funny, we were considered "designer babies" upon our unique birth. But as I held up a shirt that I knew came from a label that cost a small fortune to buy anything from, I had to wonder why. Sei again was attuned to my thoughts and twisted his mouth thoughtfully as he also looked at the shirt.

"Toue always wanted me to dress in things like that," he said, folding a pair of jeans that still looked brand new. They probably were. "He wanted to make sure that the young population of Platinum Jail would identify with me, making it that much easier for him to use me to control them. And…yes, it was Virus and Trip who were in charge of my wardrobe."

I had already figured that but hearing it said made my blood boil again. Would Sei mind if we did a wardrobe overhaul for him? The clothes were indeed nice, I grudgingly admitted, but they stood out in Midorijima. If he was on the mainland and lived in, say, Tokyo, they would be perfect.

Looking at the clothes, he turned to me and gave me something of a mischievous grin. Sei and mischievousness almost seemed like they shouldn't go together. "You're moving back with Noiz to Germany soon, right? Didn't you say his family owned a major business? Maybe we should switch clothes. I'm sure you'd make quite the statement there if you wore these," he said, pointing to the large pile still left to be folded.

Even if the non-twins (a personal nickname for Virus and Trip) hadn't bought them, I still wouldn't wear them. I'd developed my own fashion sense without the help of fancy labels and wanted to keep it that way. Sei saw my hesitancy and gave a soft chuckle.

"I suppose that's a no," he said and shrugged.

We continued to fold the clothes and once finished, we sat back with a satisfied smile. Ren had come into the room shortly before we'd finished and was lying on Sei's bed as he absentmindedly scratched behind his ears.

"Aoba…" Sei called quietly. We were watching the TV in his room but neither of us was really paying attention. I looked behind me from my spot on the floor up to Sei, who was lying down on his stomach. "When is it that you go back to Germany?"

I counted off on my fingers for a moment. "Two weeks. I leave at the end of the month."

For a moment, Sei's face seemed to withdraw and he looked almost sad. But in an instant, it cleared and he smiled shyly. Leaning closer, he asked, "…do you love him?"

Great, our first deep conversation at home and this is where the topic goes. I pulled my knees up to hide my face, wishing Ren was in my lap instead. "Yes," I mumbled quietly, knowing my face was burning red.

Sei studied me thoughtfully for a moment. "I wonder if I'll ever fall in love," he said, more to himself. "I wonder if I even can fall in love."

"Of course you can," I blurted without thinking. "Toue might've screwed with your head but your heart is fine, emotionally. You're gentle and considerate. People appreciate that."

I was being honest but Sei still looked unconvinced. He closed his eyes and sat up, hugging his own knees. "I hurt people. I controlled them for no other reason than I was told to. My entire life, I've been a puppet so I'm no good at making decisions for myself. What person would want someone like that?"

"…Sei." Never would I have thought he felt that way about himself, that he held so little self-esteem. Granted, when your entire self-image was created by someone else and not by you, what else could be expected?

Getting angry again, I told him, "That's bullshit. I've done worse, broken people's minds almost to the point of no return. And Noiz is certainly no saint either. But I think it's _because_ we're imperfect that it's worked. Everyone deserves love, Sei. I don't want you to give up on yourself before you've really gotten to live your new life."

I didn't mean to be so aggressive but I couldn't stand to hear him talk like this. I'd do everything in my power to prove that he was worthy to be in this world and deserved as much love and care as anyone else.

He continued to stare at me for a long moment and I refused to blink and look away. He was the first to blink and then he tucked up the corner of his mouth. "You know something, Aoba? I think I might be a little jealous."

Eh?

Sei didn't elaborate though but instead let out a large yawn, pulling back his covers and snuggling down. His blinking again grew slow and right before he fully fell asleep, he whispered, "Thank you, Aoba. For everything." He was asleep before he could hear my reply.

I was still reeling from his comment but I responded, "You're welcome. Good night." Picking up Ren, I turned off the TV and quietly tiptoed back to my own room.


	3. Chapter 3

 

"Come on, one more set and we'll be finished," I encouraged, my arms wobbling as I struggled not to drop them.

Sei and I were going through his therapy exercises, the final one of the day being one where he would stand holding a three pound ball in his hands and would lift it up. He then had to bring it down to chest height before holding it straight out. After that, he'd bring it back towards his chest and then once more hold it back up again. We'd do ten slow reps of this at a time before taking a break and once fully finished, we'd have completed five sets in all.

I remembered when Sei could barely finish one, back in the early days. Now he'd been home for a week and after all the training from the hospital, he could relatively easily finish his entire exercise routine. He still seemed pretty tired afterwards but he wasn't having coughing fits or gasping for air like he used to.

After finishing the last one, he put the ball back on the floor and fell onto his bed, us having used his room to exercise. Wiping his sweaty hair from his face, he gave me a tired but satisfied smile and a corny victory sign. "I did it!" he cheered before his arm fell limply by his side.

I shook my head laughing and left out for a moment to go downstairs. The house was empty as Granny was off making medical rounds, which is when I preferred to schedule the therapy exercises. I didn't want the noise to bother her. In the kitchen, I grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge and jogged back upstairs. Idly, I wondered if from now on I should make Sei go and grab them.

When I came back in, I found him in the same spot lying on the bed, seemingly watching the ceiling fan spin around. I touched one of the bottles to his forehead in which he instantly jerked away. "It's freezing!"

"I figured that'd be a good thing right now," I laughed and put the bottle in his hands. I opened mine and took a sip, then put the bottle to my own face. It felt refreshing.

Sei informed me, "I don't know if I was born this way or if it's from the experiments but my body temperature is slightly different than most others. When others are warm or comfortable, I'm usually pretty cold. So, anything that's considered moderately cold is extremely freezing to me." He didn't look sad as he said it and even managed a small laugh.

"Hm…maybe your extreme sensitivity to cold is like how I couldn't stand to have anyone touch my hair," I reflected. My hair no longer hurt anymore if someone touched it but I still had slight sensation it in. "Just about all of the odd effects stopped after Platinum Jail though. I've not even heard… _his_ voice…since I've come back."

Sei tilted his head inquisitively at me. "I suppose that's to be expected. You've acknowledged his presence and understand that he's a natural part of you. He doesn't have to fight to be noticed any more." He paused again and then suddenly said, "I never would have thought that both you and I would have so many imaginary friends!"

I cracked a wide grin and asked, "Are they imaginary if more than one person can see them?"

He crinkled his nose in laughter. "You've got me there."

We joked around for a little while longer before I pulled myself up off the floor where I was again sitting and rummaged around in my room for something else to change into. My room was a lot more chaotic than Sei's, probably because there was more in it.

No, that's a lie. Sei was just naturally neater than me. I usually didn't pay much attention to where I put anything.

I grabbed what I would be wearing for the day and poked my head back into Sei's room. "Wanna take a shower first?"

Sei was in front of his own dresser, looking through his clothes. "You can go first. You're already ready."

I nodded and headed to the bathroom. While showering, I thought about what I wanted to do for the day. A small shopping list was on the kitchen table so that needed to be done first. Afterwards, maybe I'd visit Mizuki and Koujaku. If Clear wasn't already hanging around the house, he usually knew to find me with them or at my old workplace, though I rarely worked there anymore since technically, I didn't live in Midorijima any longer.

I thought about Noiz and the last time I'd seen him, over a month and a half ago. We talked often and he'd kindly sync his calls for when it was daylight for me, even if it was in the middle of the night for him. When I had offered to instead be the one to call him during his daylight hours, he refused. He didn't mind staying up so late, he said. He just wanted to make sure he never interrupted my sleep.

An unwitting smile came to my face and for a moment, my chest hurt. Like some love-sick puppy, I missed him. I was happy to be spending time with my brother, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to getting back to Germany.

I allowed the water to relax me a little longer before I shut it off and climbed out. I dried and dressed while still in the bathroom but kept the towel on my shoulders as I made my way down the hall, drying my hair. Sei wasn't in his room when I passed by. Instead, I headed downstairs to the kitchen.

I found him there with an apple in one hand and a small knife in the other. He'd managed to cut the apple into slices and was now…I'm assuming he was trying to make them into rabbits. He looked up at me sheepishly and surveyed his handiwork.

"I wanted to make them like I'd seen on TV. Nobody at the lab ever cut them like that so I wanted to try it."

I was reminded of a time when, shortly after we got back from Platinum Jail, I had attempted to do the same thing for Noiz when he too was in the hospital. He had said mine looked more like cats than rabbits. I decided to take this opportunity to get better at it so that I could maybe impress him later. Besides, I didn't feel comfortable with Sei using sharp knives just yet.

"I'll cut them for you," I said and gently removed the utensil and the apple slice from his hands. "You go on and take your shower."

He looked a little put-off and I'll admit that I felt a little bad for it. He'd gotten this far and hadn't managed to cut himself; maybe I was being a mother hen.

But an instant later, the look was gone and he smiled at me with a nod. "Okay!" I heard him head back upstairs and I continued my attempts to cut the wedges into proper ears. How did the mom's on TV make it look so easy?! It was like woodcarving…but with food. It really did require a high level of skill.

Maybe I lacked some kind of creative eye because by the time I was finished, the ears still looked closer to cats than rabbits. I clicked my teeth in annoyance, having to admit that Noiz was right, and put them on a plate. Hopefully Sei wouldn't mind. They were still edible. And unlike last time, I'd managed to keep more of the apple intact.

I started to head back to Sei's room where I figured it'd be more comfortable to eat but suddenly froze in my steps as I heard something make a noise.

Please let it be my imagination. The wind outside. Something in the attic. Anything other than what I thought it was.

But there it went again and there was no mistaking it.

"Ahh…nmm…Ahhh…!"

I could still hear the shower inside the bathroom but the sounds were unmistakably coming from in there. No…not Sei. Not sweet, gentle, innocent—

Another passionate moan slashed across my thoughts, accompanied by erotic wet sounds.

Immediately I turned around and quietly headed back downstairs. I put the plate of apples on the kitchen table and picked up the grocery list. Grabbing my jacket from the back of a chair, I headed outside, not even remembering to lock the door, nor did I take Ren with me, as I usually would.

Instead of going shopping immediately, I walked around aimlessly for a while, trying to think about anything other than what I'd heard. After I realized I'd looped the same three blocks several times in a row, I slowly started to filter everything going through my mind.

Sei's voice…in the bathroom. The notion of Sei touching himself had never even crossed my mind. Maybe that's why it was so surprising. Sei's muted personality never gave any desires away, making him seem so much like a doll. But, I had to remember, Sei was the same age as I was. Sei's entire existence had been carefully monitored and watched by complete strangers. Could I imagine having lived a life of relatively no privacy? It made my heart hurt just thinking about it.

Besides, if I was going to be wholly honest…I truly wasn't so pure myself. I must've been about fourteen when I had started. I'd learned quickly though that the bathroom probably wasn't the best place for that though since sounds were magnified in there. Damn, now my face was burning! I glanced up from my feet, feeling as though everyone else could hear what I was thinking but nobody paid any attention to me.

As I walked, I also wondered if anyone had spoken to Sei about sex. He seemed to have a vague concept of love, probably attained from TV or some such thing. Even kids got a simple idea of love from watching their parents but did anyone have 'the talk' with him? The need to masturbate was pretty normal but without understanding the full concept, he'd probably end up feeling confused and unsatisfied. I wanted Sei to have a normal life, though. I never wanted him to wonder "Why do I feel this way?" or to feel like a leper in his own body.

My emotions began to turn and I actually started to fight back tears. I shouldn't have to explain any of this to my older brother. I shouldn't have to hold his hand and guide him through all of life's nuances. And I understood that I wouldn't have to, necessarily. But had Sei been born outside of Toue's reach, he would've had a relatively normal life. The guilt that I'd gotten what Sei didn't started to suffocate me. At a time like this, Ren would say something like, "It couldn't be helped" or "You can't change the past but you can shape your future."

He would be right. I can cry all I want to, but it wouldn't change what's already happened. At the very least, using Scrap on my friends has taught me that. I can only try to influence what will happen from this point forward. Saying that calmed me down some and finally, I pulled the shopping list from my pocket. I settled my mind on getting the groceries first and when I got back home, maybe I'd talk to Sei. I only had a week left.

~.~.~

When I came home, the house was quiet. Granny must've still been gone. I put the groceries on the table and realized the plate of apples was missing. Maybe he'd taken them to his room to eat after all.

I began to put the food away but halfway through I was joined by Ren. He hopped up on a kitchen chair and blinked at me. "Aoba, you were gone for a long time. Are you alright?"

I nodded without looking at him. "I'm fine. Hey, have you seen Sei?"

"He's in his bedroom," Ren informed me.

"…Is he…okay?"

"I've not detected any distress from him," he said simply.

"Oh. That's good…" I finished putting the food away and picked him up in my arms. Climbing up the stairs, I cast a wary glance at the bathroom before continuing down the hall. I could hear the TV on and knocked on his door.

"You don't have to knock, Aoba!" I heard him call from the other side.

I slowly opened the door to find him sitting cross-legged at a small table, reading a book. He smiled when he saw me and beckoned me inside.

I closed the door behind me. Sei had arranged pillows on the floor to sit on when at the table and I took one next to where he was sitting, a corner separating us.

There also on the table was the plate of apples. Most had been eaten but a few remained. Sei saw me looking at them and explained, "I thought I'd save some for you when you got back. But…they're starting to brown," he quietly noted, looking at them sadly. Turning back to me, he asked, "Where'd you go so suddenly?"

My voice caught in my throat for a moment and I had to swallow before I could speak. "There was some shopping I had to do." Well, that wasn't a lie.

He nodded and turned his attention back to his book. The TV was low so as to not disturb him but to provide a slight background noise. With a deep breath, I pushed the button on the back of Ren's head, putting him in sleep mode. I kept him in my arms though as my usual distraction.

"…Sei, we need to talk."

He smiled at me and closed the book, eagerly sitting up. "Sure, Aoba! What do you want to talk about?"

When he made that face, gave that naïve, happy smile, I felt my resolve shake. They say ignorance is bliss. Why not say anything at all? But…if I were to leave—no, _when_ I leave, I need to know for certain that Sei is going to be alright.

I sighed again and confessed. "Look, I'm going to come out and say it. Sei…I heard you earlier this morning."

Sei had the grace to not play ignorant when I said that. Immediately, his face blushed and he lowered his eyes to the hands in his lap.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"It's not like it's your fault…I guess not," I muttered, my own face starting to heat up. "I mean, it's normal, right?" Well, Sei probably didn't know that it was—

"I'm aware of that," Sei said, his voice cutting across my thoughts twice that day.

Without meaning to, I blinked stupidly at him. "Wait…you _know_?"

A sheepish smile. "Even in labs, they teach you things. Well, the scientists never really talked to me. But…"

"Those damn non-twins," I growled, curling up my fists.

"Who?"

"…Nothing."

We were quiet for a moment. Then I started to pull myself up. "Well, I initially was going to just, um…discuss a few things with you. But since you already know…" I was halfway standing to go when Sei grabbed my shirt and pulled me back down.

"Wait."

I guess I'm not off the hook that easily. I forced myself to meet Sei's eyes as his stared inquisitively into mine.

"You did say it's normal, right?" he whispered, leaning closer. I couldn't bring myself to answer him vocally so I nodded. Still gripping part of my shirt, he struggled a moment with his next words. "Is it…the same with you? I mean, do you…you know…"

I figured he'd ask that and had prepared myself to be as adult about it as possible but that didn't stop my ears also going red as I nodded again.

He pondered that for a moment. "And…is it the same…when you're with Noiz?"

My breath hitched and I felt myself reel for a second. This I hadn't been expecting, primarily because I had based this entire conversation on Sei not knowing much of anything on the subject. But now…how to answer him? I wanted to just shrug and say "More or less" but…that would be a slap in the face to both Noiz and Sei.

I buried my face in Ren's fur, happy he couldn't hear what I said next. "No, it's…better. I can't make myself feel the way that he makes me feel. I'm happier because I know he cares and when we're intimate, it's just another facet to show how much he loves me." My eyes began to sting and for all my blinking, the tears fell. God, I missed him. I missed him so damn much.

I think I might've scared Sei as he let go of me and sat back. "Is that so?" he murmured so low I almost didn't hear him.

I wiped a sleeve across my eyes and gave him a shaky smile. "Sorry, don't mean to be such a crybaby. But I hope that answered your question."

He gave me his own classic smile, eyes closed and head tilted like a puppy. "Yes, thank you, Aoba. I think I understand better now."

I reached out and gripped his hands for a moment, giving them a squeeze before I stood up again. I also picked up the plate of apples but as I closed the door behind me, I saw Sei lift his shoulders with a quiet sigh.

I wondered what might be wrong but at that moment, I heard Granny come in and instantly raise hell that the front door wasn't locked. Uh-oh…here we go again.

I meekly made my way to the kitchen where she gave me the third degree, instantly putting the last conversation out of my mind.


	4. Chapter 4

My final days at home went by swiftly but happily. My friends would come by to visit and each seemed genuinely intrigued by Sei. He'd usually amaze them by showing his ability to mentally project video game simulations onto any electronic screen.

He was getting pretty good with it, now able to recreate early RPG games like Final Fantasy and Pokémon. He had even admitted that he thought he might want to become a graphic designer. I was supportive of the idea but there are no colleges on the island. Sei would either have to take online courses or travel to the mainland. Both Granny and I were in secret agreement that neither of us felt Sei was quite ready to move to the mainland by himself just yet.

However, as he got stronger, I didn't worry as much when he went further from home without someone walking with him. I didn't want to hover over him but he never seemed to mind if I offered to accompany him. As a change of pace, Sei started to take over my previous job at Heibon, which absolutely delighted Haga-san. He was happy for my new life but he never failed to mention that I was his best employee.

In all fairness, I was his _only_ employee…

I had always figured Sei was an introvert and didn't like to talk much but he came to life on the phone. Thankfully he didn't have to worry about the issues I initially experienced working there when I was subconsciously using Scrap with my voice. Or at least, I didn't think he did.

I had just walked with him to work one morning and he was just starting up the computer behind the desk when a call came through. I offered to get it for him for old time's sake but he smiled and waved me away. Instead of leaving, I looked around the shop that still sold a few of the parts I sometimes used for Ren.

He conversed quietly on the phone for a moment before I heard him begin to falter. Worried, I turned around to see him holding the phone away with an uncomfortable expression.

I'd worn that same expression with many customers and giggled to see him doing the same. "Let me guess, they asked what you're wearing?" I whispered to him.

He nodded his head and covered the mouthpiece. "They asked that…and said that I have a sexy voice." He squirmed in the chair and looked like he wanted nothing more than to hang up.

Well, I guess even without Scrap, there were some that were just perverts. I coached Sei on how to deflect the comments and to bring the conversation back to a sale and how to tell those that were genuinely interested versus those that were just getting a kick out of him. He seemed relieved after I taught him that and I started to feel he'd be a great fit for the job.

My biggest worry though was the three little brats that would come in and wreck everything. Sei didn't have the strength to chase them out and he wasn't very good at being authoritative or yelling.

As it would turn out, he didn't need to do either. The first time they came into the shop when he was behind the counter, he spoke to them like any other customer and greeted them. This threw them for a loop as they hadn't expected to see someone new and they also hadn't expected to be treated the same as an adult would.

"Why are _you_ still here?" One of the kids asked, aimed at me.

"To make sure you don't give my brother a heart attack," I said, already tense and waiting for the inevitable.

They looked at Sei for a moment and then back to me. "I don't believe he's your brother," the girl said, hands on her hips as she made her judgment.

"We're actually twins," Sei informed.

"No way!"

"Yes way," he said, his eyes sparkling. "In fact, I'm older than Aoba by seven minutes."

"You didn't have to tell them all of that, now they'll never respect me," I muttered to him.

"Didn't seem like they ever did to begin with," he cheekily shot back. He then reached into one of the desk drawers and pulled out a retro game system that he'd found one day at the back of the shop. The games for it were no longer in circulation but with a few moments of concentration, the screen flickered to life with a game start menu displaying. He handed it to the kids, who had been eyeing Bojin-kun intently.

With something else to occupy their time, they immediately fell into a huddle in a corner and became relatively quiet, something I had never been able to get them to do. I gave Sei an impressed thumbs-up and he returned it with a modest bow.

It was now the day before I headed back to Germany. After Sei got off work that evening, we ate dinner and helped with washing the dishes. Instead of resting in the living room to watch her evening programs like she usually did, Granny informed us that she'd gotten a call from a neighbor who was worried about their sick child. She said that she'd be back "soon" but soon with Granny could be anywhere from an hour to pulling an all-nighter, depending on the patient.

I had initially planned to start packing today but wanted to procrastinate a little longer. Instead, Sei and I spent the evening playing a slow card game where we had to match up pairs of cards. It did what it was intended to, and before I knew it, it was already close to midnight. At the same time though, Granny hadn't returned.

Sei saw my concern and bit his lip. "Should we call her?"

I shrugged and looked at my Coil. "I tried that once in the past and she pretty much tore me a new one since she said she couldn't be bothered with phone calls while working. It's not the first time she's had to be away this late." That still didn't stop me from being worried though. "Some cases she has to stay over all night though so she doesn't come back until the morning. I'm sure she'll call us if there's a problem."

He accepted that and we finished our game. I stretched my arms with a massive yawn, feeling tired and hating the daunting task ahead for today to pack up. I hadn't brought much with me but there were a few things I wanted to take back. Whatever I didn't would likely be given to Sei.

Bidding him goodnight, I headed to my room and changed into some comfortable sweatpants that were my makeshift pajamas. Ren walked a few circles around the pillow in the corner that served as his bed before lying down and soon, the both of us were out for the count.

When I next woke up, it was still dark. In the darkness, I blinked sleepily, trying to figure out what had woken me. Ren was still in his corner. Maybe I had heard Granny come back? If so, the house was now suddenly quiet. I let my eyes close and felt the weight of sleep coming on again when my bed shifted and I felt the indention of someone beside me.

Turning over, I came face to face with Sei. "Shit, you about gave me a heart attack!" I whispered, lowering the arm I had raised to defend myself. And why was he in my room in the first place? More specifically, why was he in my bed?

He lowered his eyes and looked away. "Sorry. I haven't gone to bed yet. I can't sleep."

I touched a button on my Coil which showed the time to now be nearly three in the morning. "Have you heard Granny come back yet?"

"No, but I did send her a text. She replied saying that she indeed would be gone until morning."

Now that was surprising. Granny hated Coils to begin with and I couldn't recall a time where she'd ever texted. My previous attempts to send one to her resulted in it being ignored or her yelling at me to just call her. Maybe it was because it came from Sei this time. She seemed reluctant to shout at him.

I nodded and for a moment, neither of us spoke. The curtains to my balcony were open with a slight sliver of moon visible high in the sky, just breaking over the tops of the buildings that shadowed Midorijima.

"Aoba."

"Hm?" I asked groggily, ready to go back to sleep.

"…I'm going to miss you."

I felt my heart melt a little. That soft, honest voice made me pull him closer until both of our heads were sharing the same pillow. "I'm going to miss you too. But you can visit any time. And it's not like I'll never return again. This place is my home, there's way too much here to just say goodbye forever."

I felt him smile in the dark. "Okay."

This time, the silence went on so long, I did fall asleep again. Or at least I dozed off. Something again woke me up and this time, it didn't take me as long to find out what.

Sei had cupped one hand on my face, pulling us even closer. His lips were pressed against mine so softly, I would've missed it if I couldn't feel his shallow breaths tickling me. I was already too shocked to initially do anything but then I heard him give a wet sniff; he'd been crying.

"…Sei. This is wrong," I whispered, torn between wanting to push him away and not wanting to upset him further.

"I know," he whispered back, barely audible. "But…you once said something that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. You said that when you're with him," I didn't need to ask who _him_ was, "That it's different. You said it's better because of the emotions you share. Because of your love."

He took my hand and turned it, kissing the underside of my wrist. A jolt ran through me that was too confusing to decipher. Where was all of this coming from? Why now? And why me? I tried to pull away but he held my arm with both of his hands, refusing to let go.

Bringing himself closer, he nuzzled his face in my neck, halfway on top of me. He removed one of his hands from my arm to place it on my other wrist, pinning me under him but he wasn't forceful. From this position, his eyes glistened faintly and I could see the moral dilemma playing on his face. "I love you, Aoba. I love you as my brother. But I also want to know what it feels like when you're with someone you love. I know this wouldn't be quite the same but I need to know."

This is getting dangerous, I realized quickly. With my arms held down, I tried to talk him out of it.

"There will be other people that love you, Sei. One day, you'll find someone who loves you on a much deeper level. You've barely even explored this world, there's no need to hurry."

He shook his head slowly. "I want to know _now_. Back when you had wanted to speak to me, this is what you had wanted to talk about, right?" He laid his body even with mine, causing our hips to touch. "I want you to show me instead."

He resumed his kissing, feather-light touches to my cheek, my nose, my ear. I shamefully felt my body tremble. This was my _brother_. It's not that I was actually desiring him, but it'd been a long time since I'd felt any kind of stimulation. A large part of my mind said that was no excuse. But…

Nobody had to know, right?

…Right?

 _Damnit_.

I slipped one leg around Sei's and easily rolled us over to where I was sitting on him, his back pressed into the pillows. Leaning down, there was a brief moment where I paused for a fraction of a second.

_Don't do it—_

My lips pressed into his firmly, giving his first proper kiss. I felt Sei tense for a moment before slowly relaxing. He pressed his lips back into mine eagerly but devoid of any skill. I gently fingered my hand through his hair, tilting his head in the process and deepening the kiss. Sei tried to match me, bringing his arms to my shoulders and pulling me closer but his rhythm was out of sync and instead, we made an embarrassing sloppy wet mess out of each other's faces.

I pulled away for a moment. Already I could hear the excitement in his shallow breaths as he stared up at me curiously. "Did I do something?" he mumbled, biting his lip nervously.

Instead of speaking, I used my fingertips to gently close his eyes again and this time, I started slower. I kissed behind his ear before trailing my tongue along the top edge and then behind, moving downward to suck on the lobe.

"Ah…!" he gasped, tightening his hold on my shoulders. I laughed quietly in his ear, my warm breath causing him to shudder and arch readily.

Continuing my assault, I lapped at his collarbone multiple times before taking a tiny bit and nibbling on it. Sei jumped and dug his nails in painfully but I felt the hold go weak once I ran the tip of my tongue gently over the same spot. I repeated this process several times, each one earning a hiss that quickly dissolved into whimpers.

I moved back up to his lips and this time, the awkwardness was gone. I tasted Sei's desire as he slipped his tongue inside, becoming fiercely dominant. I kept up with him, our tongues stroking each other, each of us pushing back harder than the other. Tilting my head allowed me to go deeper and with it, I could hear Sei's moans become more drawn out, his half-lidded eyes burning. His hips pushed up against me and I could feel just how hard he was through his clothes.

Still kissing him, I snaked a hand up his sides, feeling his feverish skin and tickling his ribs. He giggled at first until one of my hands began to caress a nipple. His breathing hitched before crying out hoarsely.

"Don't wake the neighbors," I joked, bringing my mouth to lick him there.

"Mmn, Aoba!" His body shook violently and I could literally see his toes curling. He tried to turn his head to bury it in the pillows but it did little to stifle the sounds. One of his hands started to stray down towards the bulge in his pants, his fingers stroking himself through the cloth. I was half mesmerized watching him but knew that he'd finish way too soon if I let him have his way.

I gently pulled his hand, causing him to groan in frustration. "Aoba…please."

The need in his voice pierced me and I felt my cock twitch. I wanted it just as much as he did. Both of us were already shirtless but I reached out and pulled down his pants and underwear at the same time, exposing him completely. For a moment, Sei started to close his legs, shying away from me, but then he stopped himself. I could tell that he was forcing himself to remain calm as he settled his arms just above his head, staring directly back at me.

I didn't hesitate now to remove my own clothes, my exposed flesh shivering. I pressed my body back against him, warming us both with another gentle round of kisses. Slowly, I could feel Sei grinding against me, his soft huffs fueling my desire. As our bodies entwined, I felt him bring his hand to both of our cocks and start stroking.

"Sei!" I gasped, jerking upwards but not fully pulling away.

He smiled faintly, a blush gracing his features. "I need you…closer. This is…nngg…ahhh…s-so good. Aoba, more…" His speech was stuttered, becoming less intelligible as he stroked us harder.

I moved my hips into his touch, pushing back with force. A good amount of precum was dripping from both of us, and his hand slipped easily on our bodies. A fire was building and it was all I could do to suddenly wrench myself away from his touch. I wanted nothing more than to come and judging by Sei's desperate moans, he felt the same. But if I was going to do this, I wanted to do it properly.

Pulling one of his thighs wider, I turned him halfway over so that he was partly on his side. I'd learned from my own experiences that this was a little more inviting and would hopefully make it easier for his first time. Not having anything else on hand that could be used as lubricant, I gathered a sizable portion of our precum and rubbed it at his entrance. Sei didn't look, keeping his face in the pillow again. He probably thought it was going to hurt and was preparing for it. Instead of entering him immediately though, I rimmed my finger just on the outside, drawing my nail on the sensitive skin.

He initially jerked at the touch but as he became accustomed to the feel, I felt his body loosen and relax. After several passes, I inserted one finger part way and then quickly removed it, going back to rimming the outside. I did that several times, only entering him briefly before pulling out. After about the sixth or seventh time I did it, his hips reached back towards me, silently asking for something more.

I lubricated my fingers again and this time with Sei more prepared, I was able to just fit two fingers. I could still tell he was slightly uncomfortable though and started moving them back and forth delicately so as to ease the intrusion. My other hand was free and I used it to take up where he'd left off stroking us, moving my fingers in time with the slow rhythm. With the return of something pleasurably familiar, Sei started pushing back against me, feeling the stimulation from both ends.

By the time I managed to get three fingers in, both he and I were shaking against each other. Sei resolutely kept his hands gripped within the sheets but his hips had begun to snap upwards against mine, his voice dissolving into passionate mewls. Opening his eyes partway, he suddenly reached out and stopped both my hands, swallowing thickly to catch his breath.

"That's fine, Aoba," he panted, his eyes shining. "I think I'm ready now."

I nodded and removed the three slick digits from him. He let out a breath from the loss of contact but willingly complied when I pushed him more onto his side. Opening his legs wider, I guided my cock to his entrance and brushed against it briefly before carefully moving into him. After loosening him up so much, I went in easily and was soon sheathed inside, his heat clamped firmly around me.

" _Fuck yes,_ " I rasped, small trembles spreading through my hips. It was all I could do to not pound wildly into him.

…Though it seemed that's what Sei wanted, judging by the impatient push he gave against me. Swallowing to control myself, I pulled back slightly to angle myself better before snapping my hips forward again. Sei's eyes fluttered, his head lolling back. Feeling encouraged, I did it again and started a soft rhythm.

"Mm…ng….ahhh, yes…hff…" Sei's voice began to rise, his back arching into the touch. For each of my movements, he would counter that much more, that much harder, until soon, I was driving into him at an increased pace. I laid my body flush with his, holding his leg up to angle myself deeper. When I did, he gave a sharp cry and I felt his dick spasm violently. I reached between us to grip the base to keep him from coming. I knew it'd be much better if he waited.

This was assuming I lasted that long though. Sei's insides were melting me and the sound of wet bodies moving together added another layer of eroticism that made it hard to not fully let go. With a massive effort, I forced myself to slow down again and pulled myself out far enough to where only the tip remained in.

"Haaa…mmn…hm?" Sei opened one eye to look questioningly at me, not understanding why we stopped.

Instead of answering him with words, I leaned forward and put our mouths together, our frustrations being taken out on each other's tongues. A thin trail of saliva ran down Sei's jaw as our lips locked together, his body quivering like a harp string. The image was completely indecent, the definition of lewd. Spurred by that alone, I gripped him tight and pushed back in, rolling my hips with each thrust. The undulating motion built a new heat, a slow inferno that consumed us both, pushing us closer to the edge.

"Nn, -oba! There, harder, just—ahhh, right there!" The sounds were torn from Sei's throat, primal need driving out any reason. His arms gripped me tight, his nails splitting my skin in what was both painful and pleasurable and like that, both of us finally shook apart.

"Aoba! Don't stop! Please, I—aahhh!" His entire body arched off the bed as his powerful orgasm ripped through him. His cock was still in my hand and I watched as wave after wave of cum spilled over my fingers, pumping my hand to aid in his release.

That image alone would've been enough to finish me but Sei's pulsating muscles struck me to my core and with an anguished cry, I dissolved inside him.

"Hff…hff…Sei, yes, ahhh…!" I continued to thrust in him, feeling my hips spasm uncontrollably, wrenching every drop out of me. I felt him shiver as I pumped my load into him, the exact reaction being passed on to me. When at last I came back down, I fell on top of him in a tangle of exhausted limbs and ragged breaths.

It was quite some time later when I was finally able to move again. Gently, I pulled out of Sei, watching as a stream of semen ran down his thighs. Feeling it, he immediately blushed, clamping his cheeks to stop the flow but it was useless. I guess I'd released quite a bit into him.

"S-sorry," I mumbled with a nervous laugh, reaching to my bedside for a box of tissues. I cleaned us both off as best as I could before settling back, propped against the pillows.

Sei pulled himself closer to me, resting his head on my chest. "Thank you, Aoba," he said in his usual whispery voice but I could tell it was also choked with emotion. "I think I'm understanding now. I'll never forget this."

He nuzzled his face into my hair and I could tell by his slowed breathing that he wasn't far from falling asleep. I wanted nothing more than to drift off as well, but…

"We can't stay like this, Sei," I mumbled, kissing the top of his head. It'd be awful if we were found in this condition.

He gave a little nod. "I know. But…just for a little while longer?" He wrapped his arms around me a little tighter.

We'd already made it this far, I suppose a few minutes more wouldn't hurt. I relaxed into the contact and without meaning to, my eyes closed. Inevitably, I began to doze off.

Sometime later, I heard the bed shift very slightly. I was almost fully asleep and didn't open my eyes, but dimly I heard, "I love you, Aoba. " After this, I knew I was now alone and my body caved in fully to the lull of slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

I woke up early the next morning, just as the sunlight was filtering through my window. The night before came back to me in bits and pieces before forming a whole picture. A shameful blush crept across my cheeks, but I didn't have time for that right now. I immediately hopped out of bed and snatched off all the covers. Tip-toeing downstairs, I slipped into the tiny laundry room and dumped everything into the washer.  
  
With that taken care of, I took a quick, hot shower, washing off all the traces of last night. Or, almost all of them. Sei's scratches stung from the water. The shame came back to me as I realized I would have to explain to Noiz how I'd gotten them. Hopefully I'd think of something before I got there.  
  
Once back in my room, I packed up the remainder of my clothes and started to sort what was going with me and what would stay. In the end, I left my entire music collection to Sei and only added a few gifts I'd gotten for my birthday that year. By the time I was finished, I heard the washer give a buzz, announcing it was done. I had just finished moving everything to the dryer when I heard the front door unlock.  
  
I froze for a moment, hidden behind the closed laundry room door. I knew Granny was only now returning but for some reason, I felt that if she saw me, she'd be able to instantly guess everything that had happened. I heard her footsteps inside the entryway, taking off her shoes and sliding into her house slippers. I tracked her movement as she made her way down the hall, seemingly heading to her downstairs bedroom.  
  
"Morning, Aoba," she called to me through the door before she went in her room.  
  
How the hell did she know I was in here?! My cover blown, I sighed and started the dryer.  
  
Feeling too anxious to go back to my room, I started cooking breakfast. I wasn't too bad of a cook, though I definitely preferred Granny's food over my own. But I figured she was pretty exhausted since she was only now coming home. Shortly before it was finished, Sei entered the kitchen, his hair wet from his own shower. Our eyes met briefly—there and gone—before he made his way over to a cabinet to take out some plates and glasses. Breakfast was done by the time he'd finished setting the table.  
  
Granny came out her room to eat and chided me on all the things I could've done to make the meal better. I didn't take offense though and mentally jotted down the notes to transfer to Ren later so that I could continue to improve. So far, I hadn't had to, but I wanted to cook for Noiz one day and when I did, I wanted to know for certain that he'd enjoy it.  
  
Oh no…more thoughts of Noiz. I lowered my eyes and hoped no one had seen my guilty expression. I quickly shoveled food in my mouth to hide it in which Granny began to chastise me more. That was fine, I deserved to be told off but not for the reason she thought.  
  
Once the meal was finished, Sei headed off to work. I reset my bed with the clean sheets and finally powered Ren back on, putting him into the small bag I usually kept with me. Granny was getting some much needed sleep so I figured I'd take the time to say my goodbyes to my friends.  
  
Koujaku wasn't home when I knocked on his door, which was a little curious but not completely unusual. Depending on the client he had, he might've stayed the night…  
  
I swallowed the dryness in my mouth and instead headed off in a completely different direction. Soon I was in familiar alleyways, tag art appearing on the walls designating it as Dry Juice territory. A few of the members waved to me as I passed and I asked them where I could find Mizuki. They pointed me to his tattoo parlor and sure enough, when I arrived at Black Needle, he was there and was in the midst of setting up for the day.  
  
That also solved the mystery of where Koujaku had gone as well as he was leaning against the front counter talking to Mizuki. Both looked up and smiled when they saw it was me and I felt my previous nervousness ease a little.  
  
"Oi, Aoba!" Koujaku called and we traded a friendly hug when I got close. "You're leaving today, right? This time is it going to be official?"  
  
"Well…that's the general idea." Ideally, Noiz wanted me to move to Germany for good with visits to Midorijima. I was fine with that, but I repeatedly told him that I was nervous about living in a country where I didn't know the language. He promised to help me though but unfortunately, I hadn't made much progress so far.  
  
"So long as you don't forget about us," Mizuki said with a grin. "If you get tired of the fantasy games of Rhyme, there's always a spot for you on my team."  
  
"Tch, I knew him first, he'd join Beni-Shigure before he'd ever join Dry Juice!" Koujaku informed him, but then asked, "Right, Aoba?"  
  
Before I could say anything, Mizuki cut in. "Maybe you've known him longer but we're the strongest Rib team. He'd be crazy not to join us, eh, Aoba?"  
  
"What?! Beni-Shigure is _clearly_ better—"  
  
The front door flew open and in an excited blur, I caught only a glimpse of Clear before he was pulling me into a tight squeeze. "Aoba-san!" he gushed, rocking me roughly side to side. It took him a moment to finally set me back down and then he stood there with his hands in his deep pockets, smiling.  
  
"Good morning, Clear," I greeted him, trying to make my head stop spinning. "Any plans for today?"  
  
Clear launched happily into a monologue of having found some old decorative glass cups in one of the junkyards located in the Northern District, thrilled at having something so rare to add to his collection. I half listened, also watching as Mizuki and Koujaku's argument dissolved into being decided by an arm-wrestling match. Ren poked his head out to also watch and to talk to Beni.  
  
Suddenly, Clear stopped himself, as though a new idea had crossed his mind. "Aoba-san, you're not going to be back for a very long time, are you? I'm really going to miss you."  
  
I was reminded of when Sei had said those words to me and shuffled uncomfortably. "Yeah, I'll miss you too, Clear. I'll miss all of you," I admitted.  
  
"The same goes for me," Ren intoned.  
  
Clear took notice of him and immediately lifted him out of my bag. "Ren-chan~!" He sang and began to chant "Fluff fluff fluff! Fluffy fluff fluff!" as he nestled his face in Ren's fur. Although Ren begged for my help, it was pretty cute to see those two and I took my time coming to his rescue.  
  
We all spent the morning and afternoon hanging out and chatting. My flight was scheduled to leave this evening to where I'd return to Germany early in the morning there. Finally, I said goodbye to my friends, promising to call them and to keep them updated. I was feeling marginally better as I headed back home when my Coil began to ring.  
  
Noiz.  
  
He was probably calling to make sure I had everything packed or to set the final details of picking me up from the airport. Either way, my fingers shook as I pressed the answer button.  
  
"Hi, Noiz," I said casually.  
  
"Sei told me everything," were his first words.  
  
I couldn't have been more floored if a train had hit me. I came to a complete halt as a cold numbness ran through my body. "…Sei?"  
  
I heard him grunt affirmative. "Yes, Sei. Your _twin brother_. He told me everything."  
  
No…no, this couldn't be happening. "Listen, Noiz—"  
  
"We're done," I heard him say, his voice cold. The line instantly went dead.  
  
I was so stunned, I didn't even try to call back. My feet mechanically began to move again but my mind now had a million things to think about. Noiz knew about everything. Noiz was breaking up with me. He didn't want to be with me. Never wanted to speak with me. Would never want to see me.  
  
I had lost Noiz forever.  
  
A sob escaped my throat before I could even register that I was about to cry. Ren asked me multiple times if I was okay and what was wrong but I didn't answer him. I needed to get back to the house.  
  
I ran the rest of the way home and tore down the front hall without even taking off my shoes as I should've. I bounded the stairs and made my way to the room just across from mine. Without knocking, I barged in.  
  
Sei only worked a half day on weekends and was home, sitting on his bed with his knees pulled up. I didn't notice the remorseful expression on his face. I didn't register when he opened his mouth to say something to me. None of that mattered. The instant I was close enough, I slapped him, hard, across the face.  
  
"You had no right!" I screamed as he fell off the bed. His hand went to his cheek and he tried to crawl away but I snatched his arm and pulled him back up. I held him there as I slapped him again on the other side, his whimpering cry pissing me off even more. I roughly grabbed his hair and threw him to the floor where he curled up in a ball to defend himself.  
  
"It wasn't your place to say anything to him!" I yelled, standing over him as he flinched away from me. Dimly, I could hear Ren shouting my name and also calling for Granny. I was too furious to care. "You choose the damndest times to want to be a little goody-goody. You fucking seduce me and then have the _nerve_ to tell Noiz about it? Thanks to you, he never wants to see me again!"  
  
"Aoba, I'm so sorry—"  
  
"Sorry won't bring him back!" I shrieked, almost hysterically. This wasn't like me. I was becoming a monster and couldn't stop myself. I wanted to reset time and undo everything but I couldn't so I took that frustration out on Sei. "Do you get some kind of sick satisfaction out of this?"  
  
"No, I swear, I didn't mean—"  
  
"You were fucking jealous of me and Noiz! You admitted it yourself. You wanted to keep me all to yourself, that's why you did it!"  
  
"NO!" Sei was sobbing now, covering his ears.  
  
"At least own up to what you did!" I snarled, getting down and pulling him close by his shirt. "At least have the fucking decency to admit it! You couldn't stand the idea of me leaving you behind, of me being with someone else, so you split us up—"  
  
 _"Please stop!"_ he shouted, his voice suddenly not his own. His eyes met mine and a jolt ran through my body. A second later, a pounding headache crashed through my skull but try as I might, I couldn't break Sei's hold. He was using Scrap on me.  
  
In a desperate attempt to maintain control, I tried to use my own power on him. _"Release me!"_ I commanded, but Sei's eyes didn't even flicker. He'd had a lifetime of using his powers compared to me only having just fully discovered them this past year. He overpowered me and while my mind was transported elsewhere, I felt my body go limp and fall to the floor.  
  
As he was the one to enter into my mind, we were taken to a location that I knew. I must've been thinking of it subconsciously as I found that we arrived somewhere I hadn't been to since I was a child. The sunset beach where my father had found me.  
  
Sei was already sitting in the sand at the water's edge, staring absently out at the waves. The scenery was so real, I could hear the water and smell the salt in the air. As I watched him, I was surprised that I wasn't angry anymore. Instead, I felt a profound sadness, making my chest hurt.  
  
I walked over and sat beside him, neither of us speaking for a while. For a moment, we could forget the real world here, in this place where time had stopped, where each second would be the same as the last. It was tempting. I no longer had much of anything waiting for me back on the other side. Here would be as good a place as any to retreat.  
  
Eventually, I became aware that Sei was watching me out the corner of his eye. When he noticed that I knew, he smiled hesitantly. "Things got pretty ugly out there, didn't they?"  
  
".…" I was already feeling bad about that.  
  
"It's okay, Aoba," he said tenderly, his smile widening. "I don't blame you. This is my fault." His eyes slowly lost their spark and the smile faded. "I swear I was only trying to help. Never did I dream it would turn out this way."  
  
Vaguely, I heard my own voice as I accused him of what he'd done. I swallowed and waited for him to continue.  
  
He huffed a small sigh and said, "I never wanted to break you up with Noiz, Aoba. If nothing else, please believe that. I realize now that what I did…everything I did…led just to that. But that was never my intention."  
  
I listened with the patience that Scrap had given me, not saying anything back.  
  
Sei slowly spoke on, his cheeks now blushing. "I…swear that I only approached you just to understand love. I was impatient and selfish. And yes…I was jealous. You were leaving to be with the person that made you happiest. But what really is love? People say it so casually, 'I love you', but it's supposed to be something special, something you only say when you really mean it, right?"  
  
The wind picked up for a moment and Sei lifted his head, raising his face into the sun. The light behind him made him glow and made his words all the more surreal. "I knew I loved you because you were my brother. I've known of you for a long time, before you even knew of me, and loved you even before we'd met. But I also knew that that wasn't the same thing as being in love. I think that might be a little more accurate," he said, his eyes lowering. "I wanted to know more about being in love. When you confronted me that day about…what I had done, you told me that it was different with you and Noiz because you loved each other. I figured you were the one person that I knew, here and now, that could at least give me a glimpse of what that was like."  
  
Sei was talking slightly in circles but I believe I understood what he was saying. Continuing on, he said, "After last night, I thought I had finally grasped what it was like to be intimate with someone you deeply cared for. But that was a farce in comparison to the real thing, huh?" A corner of his mouth barely tucked up, more of a grimace than a grin.  
  
"After thinking about it, I didn't want the guilt of what we did to be on you. I knew you'd eventually tell him what had happened. I didn't want him to leave you for breaking your special bond, even if you're not in love with me. So…I told him everything. I wanted him to hate me, as he rightfully should. I wanted the anger to be put only on me so that you two could continue to be happy. However, it didn't work out like that."  
  
Sei cradled his arms to himself and I saw as a tear made its way down his face. "No matter how many times I told him that I was the one who started it, it wasn't enough. I…even told a lie and said that I used Scrap on you, but he didn't believe me. He never cursed at me though. He never yelled at me. And that just made it worse. I was prepared for him to be disgusted but I wasn't ready for the quiet pain I heard when he spoke to me. What is it called…heartbreak? Yes, I believe he was heartbroken."  
  
I remembered the sound of Noiz's voice, that voice not of anger but of deep betrayal. "Yeah," I agreed with him. "But Sei? I was wrong. It wasn't just you; I consented. You didn't force me, I did it of my own will." I cupped his face where I knew bruises were forming in the real world, the ones I'd given him unjustly “I'm so sorry."  
  
He shook his head to wave away my apology and we again fell into silence. After a while, he quietly asked, "So…where do we go from here?"  
  
I had been sifting sand through my fingers but clenched them resolutely as a thought came to me. "I go back and fight for him. I've messed up big time but I don't want to lose him. I'll do whatever I have to, whatever I need to in order for him to accept me."  
  
Sei made a soft noise and closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "I'm happy to hear that. Well then, shall we get going?" He reached out his hand to me.  
  
I nodded once to show I was ready and took his hand in mine. The scenery dissolved around us and everything went white.  
  
When I next opened my eyes, I was back in my body, something close to my face. I blinked and took in Ren standing next to me. His tail wagged fast as he realized I was awake. "Aoba! Are you alright?"  
  
I gave him a small smile to let him know I was okay and rubbed behind his ears. Sitting up, I noticed Granny had come into the room. She was kneeling on the floor with Sei's head in her lap, applying a salve to his wounds. My slaps had come across with the force of a punch and I flinched as I saw how swollen he was. She saw me staring and clicked her teeth. "I'm not sure what you two were fighting about but I hope you two have resolved it." She must've known that we both were out due to Scrap.  
  
"We have…and I'm sorry for causing so much trouble." I bowed deeply to her.  
  
Sei was now waking up and when he caught my eye, he smiled faintly. _"Go get him,"_ he whispered with a wink.  
  
I didn't need to be told twice. I said my goodbyes to Granny and Sei, kissing them both on the forehead and giving a squeeze to Sei's hand to show again how sorry I was. Grabbing Ren, I ran to my room and dragged the single suitcase containing my belongings and was outside in five minutes. I got into an empty cab a block away and directed them to take me to the Midorijima airport.  
  
My original flight wasn't scheduled to leave for several hours and I wasn't able to get a refund. I was forced to buy another ticket which was much more expensive. When I saw the price, my heart fell. I needed to leave now but there was no way I could afford the earlier time.  
  
Before my Coil could even ring, Ren informed me, "Incoming message." I pulled up my screen and saw that I had a notification of a transfer of funds into my account. _Thank you, Sei._  
  
Feeling my heart swell with gratitude, I swiped my Coil and ran with my new ticket to catch my flight. While on my way there, I called Noiz. It went straight to voicemail and I left one for him. "Noiz, I'm on my way there right now. I need to see you. I'll explain everything when I get there. I'm sorry. And I love you…so much." I ended the call as I passed through the boarding gate with only minutes to spare.  
  
~.~.~  
  
When I got off the airplane, I panicked for a second as to where to go. All of the signs were in German, English or other European languages, none of which I spoke well. In the end, I had to rely on Ren just to get to baggage claim.  
  
It seemed like forever before I saw my luggage and gratefully pulled it off the conveyor belt when it passed by me. However, the feeling was short-lived. Near baggage claim, a lot of people picking up friends and loved ones held signs so that they'd recognize them. I didn't see any that had my name on it.  
  
My heart sank. In truth, I couldn't blame Noiz. He'd trusted me to go to Midorijima on my own and what did I do? I stabbed him in the back. Would I forgive me?  
  
I couldn't say with absolute certainty that I would.  
  
If Noiz didn't want to see me though, then my trip was for nothing. Even with the extra funds, I didn't have much left. I could take a taxi to pick up my things from his home and then plot how to get back to Midorijima. Or just leave them there. I hadn't brought anything majorly important on my first trip. But no…even if Noiz was pissed, I still wanted to speak to him. He might not still want anything to do with me but now that I was here, I wasn't going to waste the opportunity.  
  
With a fierce nod of determination, I set out for the exit.  
  
"Oi. Where do you think you're going?" They spoke in Japanese. Even in the airport chaos, I could make out the low voice.  
  
A familiar voice. A low, husky sound that automatically drew me in. Turning around, I finally saw him.  
  
Noiz was wearing his now customary attire of a business suit and was giving me an irritated stare. In his hands, he was holding a rather large sign with letters I'd seen before but took me a few times to pronounce. He'd written my name on it in romaji, instead of how I would normally write it with Japanese characters. No wonder I hadn't seen him.  
  
He saw me staring at the sign and grunted. "I don't know how to write your name in kanji," he shrugged. Without waiting for me, he took the lead and exited outside. In the pickup area was a sleek vehicle, clearly one of the company cars. A chauffeur was waiting to load my luggage and held the door open for us to slide in.  
  
Noiz sat pressed against the window on his side and as the car drove off, he simply stared out at the scenery. I knew from my first trip that it'd take at least an hour before we reached his home. I was scared to say anything, afraid he would cut me off and not want to speak. And yet…he had come to pick me up. I hadn't even given him a specific time. He must've guessed it based on our first flight. It was too early for me to dare to hope so I sat on my side and also watched out the window.  
  
Twenty minutes before we were to arrive, he finally turned to me. "So are you going to explain this to me or what?"  
  
I cast what I had thought was a discreet look at the driver but Noiz caught it. "He only speaks German," he said with a dismissive wave.  
  
I nodded once and started from the beginning. I covered everything, starting even from when I met Sei in the hospital. It was too much to cover during the remainder of the car ride but even as I trailed him through the massive house belonging to him, I continued to talk. I didn't want to pause. If I did, I might leave something out.  
  
To a stranger, Noiz might've looked like he wasn't paying attention as he handed his suit jacket to a maid and ordered a butler to bring something to drink. He loosened his tie as he walked into a large, furnished room downstairs, lounging back in an armchair with his legs crossed and eyes closed as I continued my explanation. When I was finally finished, I licked my lips nervously and cast him a glance. "And that's…what happened."  
  
The butler came in and placed a silver tray on the table. On it were two ornate teacups and a matching teapot. The butler poured the tea into the cups and took a tiny lid off of a sugar bowl. To one cup, he added a single spoonful and to the other, he added three. For the second one, he also added a little cream, giving a stir to both before placing the cups on delicate saucers. The first one with just one lump of sugar went to me and the sweeter cup went to Noiz. He'd remembered from previously that I usually didn't like much sweetener in my drinks. With a precise bow, he quietly took his leave, closing the door behind us.  
  
Noiz still didn't say anything for a moment, sipping his tea and staring into his cup. When he finally did speak, he bored into me with eyes that reflected too many emotions for me to catch. "So you've explained the why," he said, rolling the words over. "But I've not heard the how. Aoba, I have a brother as well. You've met him. I've known him my whole life. And never have I decided that I was going to sleep with him. How do you talk yourself into fucking your own sibling?"  
  
His words sliced into me. I tried not to flinch away. I had said I would bear anything to get him back. If this is what we had to go through, I would take it. "I'm not proud of it," I whispered. "Even if I just wanted to help Sei understand sex and love and how one can influence the other, it doesn't make it right. I knew that beforehand and I still went through with it."  
  
"If I wanted to teach that same thing to my brother, I still wouldn't screw him," Noiz spat. He sat his cup down and shook his head bitterly. "I know you two were born under weird circumstances, but even still…is there something mentally wrong with Sei?" His sudden switch in the conversation made me reel and I blinked at him.  
  
"N-no…not that we know of." We'd had multiple tests performed on Sei just to make sure he was okay. His results for the most part were fine but had revealed activity higher than normal in parts of the brain that controlled creativity. Likely this was due to his Scrap ability though.  
  
Noiz rested his head on his fist and continued to drill holes in me. His expression was the scariest I'd seen yet, mainly because of the immense hurt I saw reflected there. He was fighting to keep his face neutral but I could see his eyes waver.  
  
"Even if it wasn't Sei, it was someone," he said to me. "Before we'd even become official, I had asked if you'd been with anyone during the three months I was away. You mean to tell me you could abstain from sleeping with anyone for three months when you're not in a committed relationship but you couldn't for a month and a half when you are? I'm not…I don't get it, Aoba," his voice cracked on my name.  
  
 _Please, Noiz, don't cry._  
  
"I truly thought you loved me." I barely heard the whispered words, a tear finally escaping to run down his face.  
  
I broke.  
  
I threw myself onto the floor in front of him, sobbing uncontrollably. How could I have done this? I'd worked so hard to bring Noiz out into the world, to make him understand that it wasn't a horrible place and that there were so many things to explore. These were things that I had preached while promising to remain by his side, loyal until the end. I was worthless. I was less than garbage. I didn't deserve him.  
  
And yet…I still wanted him. I would become very empty if I didn't have him. A world in which I couldn't see him was too painful to even wrap my head around.  
  
“I’m so sorry!" I pleaded, bowing so low my face touched the carpet. "I'm so sorry. Whatever I have to do, Noiz, please…please forgive me!"  
  
"You do something unforgivable and then still beg for forgiveness?" I couldn't see him but I heard him lean forward. His cries were coming in earnest now and he was attempting to muffle them in his hands. "I trusted you."  
  
"Give me another chance! Please!" I bowed again, groveling at his feet. My own tears stained the floor and I probably looked absolutely ridiculous. I'd embarrass myself a million times over if it meant having him. How could I have been stupid enough to not realize how much he meant to me sooner?  
  
I heard him swallow thickly, clearing his throat. "At one point, I would've wanted for there to be a future with us together. I thought that's what you wanted too. But if you're going to fall prey to any little fancy—"  
  
"I won't!" I screamed, lifting my head to meet him eye to eye. "Keep me locked here, forbid me from ever leaving, watch my every movement, I don't care! I love you, Noiz. I love you…I love you…I love you…" I'm so pathetic.  
  
For a long time, Noiz sat there with his eyes buried into the palms of his hands, his body shaking as he cried. The sound of our anguish was the only thing that could be heard for a very long time. At last, he took a napkin from the tea tray and briskly wiped his eyes. "I spent my entire life not knowing what it was like to feel. You're the one who broke down those barriers. I learned what physical pain was and was finally able to understand emotional pain. But this is worse than any physical pain. There's no bandage for this."  
  
I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. "The only thing that can heal it is time."  
  
"How do we even move forward from this?" he asked, more theoretically than specifically at me.  
  
"Tiny steps," I answered anyways. "Very, very tiny steps." I'd ruined everything in a single night but was willing to take days, weeks, years to repair the damage. Whatever I needed to do to mend Noiz's heart.  
  
He stood up from his seat and walked over to me. I hung my head, ready for him to strike me. Instead, he knelt down on the floor as well and pulled me into him, holding me tight. "I'm a fool but I'm a fool in love," he whispered to me, using his thumb to brush away my tears. Instinctively, I leaned into the touch, savoring it, remembering never to forget how it felt. "I can't forgive you immediately, Aoba. But maybe, with these tiny steps, we'll someday get back to where we were."  
  
It was more than what I could've ever asked for. I clung to him fiercely, murmuring my immense gratitude, rocking as he held me in his arms.  
  
Never again would I lose sight of what was most precious to me.

* * *

Final thoughts/opinions appreciated!


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